Stressed out again.

Falling behind on deadlines;

Too many commitments,

Family needs to see you and time is limited.

xx

Time to break out of the straight-jacket I knitted myself into.

xx

And turn to others, to fulfill our need for love.

Perfection. Alignment. Peace.

No longer freewill,

now fully harnessed and beautifully out of my control.

More powerful, not persuasion but within,

implanted and indwelling;

like a second heart, deep inside,

a soul felt, awakened and palpable,

radiating peace and harmony,

excluding all else.

Washing away sin as if it never happened.

Replacing pain with beauty, water with blood.

Blood-borne life itself, not drained by death,

a transfusing and infusing love.

XXX

This overwhelming silence,

glowing within, replaces all earthly happiness,

a glimpse of New Jerusalem, heaven on earth.

A tasting of what is to come,

new senses … indescribable,

make all happenings past and those to come, (in this wonderful temporary garden),

Have meaning.

Because every second, every interaction, every glance, every moment … does.

Is this woodpile just a load of junk,

The parts which have fallen off,

Never to be affixed again.

.

Or are they a shelter,

Made from the errors and mistakes,

Providing a refuge; where I can store the sorrow.

.

Until it becomes an evitable joy.

I know my answer should have been earlier,

I needed to attend all the meetings,

To have listened to others when the discussions were happening,

But I didn’t.

xxx

Now, the report is due,

The conclusions are in,

A consensus is made.

xxx

But I will still place myself at the head of the table,

Even though I did not prepare the food,

Invite the guests,

Or even greet them at the door.

Seems like I am keeping us apart.

Not really sure why;

Perhaps because you have forgiven me,

But I won’t accept it in my heart.

xxx

No wonder I feel the distance.